Intimacy & Desire
Touch, outside of sex
Non-sexual physical contact has measurable physiological effects and is the first thing to disappear when a relationship becomes strained.
Grace Oyelaran
16 articles by Oyelaran
Stress & Mood
Grief, and what nobody tells you
The stages model was never meant to describe bereavement, and the reality is less orderly and more physical.
Intimacy & Desire
When one partner wants to open the relationship
The conversation goes better when it is separated from the decision, and most of the difficulty is in the agreements rather than the sex.
Intimacy & Desire
Fantasy, and what it does and does not mean
Fantasies are close to universal, are poorly correlated with what people want to happen, and cause a great deal of unnecessary shame.
Intimacy & Desire
Sex in later life
Activity continues far later than the culture assumes, and the assumptions themselves cause measurable harm.
Intimacy & Desire
Sex and chronic illness
It is the aspect of living with a condition that clinicians raise least and patients think about most.
Sexual Health
Consent, in practice rather than theory
The legal definition is a floor, and most of the difficulty happens in situations no slogan covers.
Stress & Mood
Therapy, and how to find one that works
The type of therapy matters less than most people expect and the relationship matters more, which changes how to choose.
Intimacy & Desire
Orgasm, and the gap nobody mentions
The difference in orgasm frequency between partners in heterosexual encounters is large, consistent and largely explicable.
Sexual Health
Lubricant, and why it matters more than people think
It reduces injury, improves sensation, and the composition of the product genuinely affects tissue health.
Stress & Mood
Loneliness as a health issue
The epidemiology is striking, the mechanism is plausible, and the interventions that work are not the obvious ones.
Intimacy & Desire
Pornography, honestly assessed
The research is more mixed and more interesting than either the alarm or the dismissal suggests.
Intimacy & Desire
Sex after having a baby
The six-week check is not a starting gun, and the physical recovery is only one of the things that has changed.
Intimacy & Desire
Long relationships and the disappearance of sex
Familiarity does something specific to desire, and there is more to it than habituation.
Intimacy & Desire
Talking about sex without it becoming a row
Most couples have never had a direct conversation about what they want, and the reasons are more about fear than about prudishness.
Intimacy & Desire
Mismatched desire, and what to do about it
Desire differences are close to universal in long relationships, and the framing of the problem determines whether it can be solved.